OK, here we go into March.
And yet, I stayed there until just about a week ago, long after I’d deleted OKCupid. I’d had no success with it, and I’m defining “success” very loosely as “meeting an actual human being that I found on the site”. Found a few people I know on there. Swiped whatever direction one does when you like someone for all of them. Even if a date or a relationship or something far filthier is not in the offing, I’m not going to say “no, this person sucks” to someone I’m friendly with! So, if you came across this and found my swiping whatever fucking direction I did to be creepy, hopefully that’s illuminating.
Biznis biznis biznis biznis biznis biznis biznis biznis biznis biznis biznis!
Hopefully, you all enjoyed The Lego Movie as much as I did.
I really shouldn’t include this guy as being part of anything even remotely “good”, as he’s a fucked up guy doing fucked up things to people, and we all should hope that exposing himself is the worst thing he’s done or will ever do, but it’s pretty much impossible not to read the words “Philadelphia’s Infamous Swiss Cheese Masturbator” and not think “Hey, have The Dead Milkmen written a song about him yet?”
Seriously, who needs Tinder and OKCupid, right?
Hey, who watched the Oscars this year?
Part of me thinks I should just do a “dick jokes of the month” thing, but then I remember the great job I’ve done at keeping up with The Year Of Dicks over on my trading card site.
Real talk right there.
Interesting choice of venue, Suzi. The company was good as always, and the view, which I unfortunately don’t have any pictures of, was extraordinary. As much as everyone makes a bunch of noise about New York being replaced by a bunch of Eurotrashy hotels, I find the actual hotels (the Ace is another one I’m fond of) to be interesting locales. GREAT people-watching, and, because they’re all ridiculously expensive, the decor is generally gorgeous.
Absolutely fantastic season of television. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I could watch a 24 hour channel of nothing but Harrelson and McConaughey, in their True Detective characters, driving around and talking.
I’m easy to entertain sometimes, though. There was this one time I gave everyone “live” updates of me watching Corey Hart’s “Never Surrender” video.
Would I lie about a thing like that?
Probably happens a lot.
For those of you who think the Flying Spaghetti Monster is played out already, I offer an alternate suggestion.
Every few years, I watch the entire run of the original British “Coupling”, because I adore it, and I find myself identifying with a different character every time I do. This time, it was Sally.
One of my favorite comic book covers of all time. Bought it in March, at the same store where I bought this…
Hostess cards are dope as hell, y0.
Yeah, lots about life at 40 and, at the time, nearly-40, is different from the picture I had in my head of it when I was younger.
This may be the last time I was able to purchase the Seven Lettuces, as this economy is simply too fragile to be wasting seven different types of lettuce on poor people.
Someone I know HAS to know the answer to this one.
Something to aspire to, I suppose.
All emphatic declarations about hairy asses aside, I have no recollection of why I used Shazam in this situation. I sure as hell did not “discover” Richard Marx’s “Endless Summer Nights” through my use of the Shazam app. I lived through that shit, y0. I would also recognize this song from about a second and a half of it, played from about a mile away, because it’s just that fucking awesome. Don’t even try to lie and say you don’t love Richard Marx. I see RIGHT through you. Not even being on the piss end of the great pop/rock saxophone boom of the ’70s and ’80s (I think Taschen are doing a coffee table art book about it as I type this) could make this song any less amazing. So, yeah, I was familiar, I didn’t need to use Shazam to tell people how much I love the song, and yet, I did. Puzzling!
In case you were having trouble figuring this out.
As if it weren’t tough enough to sing to begin with.
Well, have they?
I will of course spend the rest of my days imagining all the different layers happening in the HUD, as the one waitress brought this guy his coffee at 4 in the morning. MPH of her walking speed, temperature of the coffee and volume in fluid ounces, name of song playing over the Muzak, room temperature, subtitles to the other conversations happening within ear shot, the brain-eating space worms that one can only see with the 4th dimensional view app…
That’s it for March!