EP by Scott Crawford

Zenova: 320k MP3 | WAV

Something In My Drink: 320k MP3 | WAV

Wolftab: 320k MP3 | WAV

A little bit of explaining and some “lyrics”: wow, this is some messed up music. I actually created it on a dare with myself, y’see. At the time it was made (late 2004 to early 2005), music was just beginning to explode on MySpace, and promotion of music wasn’t the well-oiled machine it is now (*snicker*). Back then, it was very, very easy to get your music a lot of plays and get your band a lot of friends just by playing the game right, getting your profile page seen in the right places, and so forth. The band didn’t even have to actually exist. So, over Christmas week of ’04, I set out to see if, just on pure piss and vinegar, I could get a band very, very noticed despite said band not actually existing, despite the “band” not being comprised of anyone whose name anyone knew (sort of a spin-off of my feelings at the time that the little bit of notoriety my name had was hindering my success rather than helping it…I’d been around a long time and accomplished very little at that point, so I was feeling like my work, whatever form it took, wasn’t getting very much respect or credibility from the peanut gallery; these days, I could give a rat’s ass) and despite the music not being terribly commercially viable in any way, shape or form. I was thinking pure promotion here.

So, first, I cracked open an image editor and doctored up some images so they’d be all provocative-like.

(Here’s the other one I did. Someone, I forget who, was nice enough to animate it for me.)

Then, I came up with the name, while I was looking through a list of Usenet newsgroups. Then, I recorded the first song, “Wolftab”, using rough recordings of a nonsense lyric I’d heard in one of my dreams (“How can it be, my little Wolftab?”, the only line of the whole song; it’s stretched out so I say it very slowly, and backmasked over the top of that) that I had laying around and a bunch of other noises. Most of the construction of the song was done mathematically (in fact, on all 3 alt.abortion songs, math played a heavy role, as did symmetry, backwards masking and so forth). I had it finished in about 2 hours, and while it’s the roughest of the alt.abortion tracks, it’s got its charms.

From there, I wrote up some nonsense that sounded vaguely controversial and invented a half-assed persona named “Mr. Abortion” or “Mr. A” to curate the whole deal, grabbed a MySpace page (deleted when I began phasing out MySpace) and went to work. I added early adopters with huge friends lists and popular bands, and left comments for them so my profile would be visible on their page. I tried to keep those comments “in character” and say something new and weird to everyone, rather than just using your classic “Thanks for the add!” form letter. I then also created a LiveJournal account (since deleted) for Mr. A, and in another act of half-assed creepiness, I used a serial adding script to randomly add 500 LiveJournal users as friends. Some were not pleased. Others warmed right up to Mr. A. A lot of what’s posted there tells the story of better than I could here, especially as it’s been a while and I don’t remember it all.

I will note, however, that “Zenova” is indeed named after Zenova Braeden, who has a pretty popular MySpace page. After I added her, the comment I left for her said “I’m going to write a song about you.” So, not long after that, I sat down in front of my computer and made that song. I think it’s the best of the three alt.abortion songs, but it’s also unbelievably creepy. To this day, I listen to it and wonder how anyone, much less me, could make a song that sounds like that. I guess there’s something to be said for doing that. I sent her another comment telling her that the song was finished, with a link, but I never heard from her. I have no idea if she listened to it, or what she thinks of it. Zenova, if you read this, hi! Hope you like it.

I did one more song after this, “Something In My Drink”, which got 2 revisions, the second of which has the sample I used at the end (which was added for the first and only alt.abortion live show). I may end up hearing shit for the sample used in the revision posted here, despite the fact that said sample was recorded by a bunch of major news outlets, spread everywhere for decades (similar to Martin Luther King’s “I Have A Dream” speech), and has lyrics in it that have perhaps the most dubious copyright claim ever attached to them. Wikipedia’s even got the damned thing up (with a justification, admittedly), and they’re pretty careful. If people who have a legitimate, defendable claim to the rights want it taken down, they’re welcome to send me a takedown notice and I’ll replace it with the original version, sans sample. If not, cool.

Overall, the experiment was a success, a failure, and a successful failure, and probably eventually a failed success story as well.