Author Archives: Scott Crawford

BOTC: Douchebags On The Clearance Rack

I’d been promising/threatening to add some things that held their value (if you want to call it that) from my old web site for quite some time, but for some reason, I don’t think I added this, and I’d squandered it on Facebook. I just rescued it. Again.

“So, I’m in the 7-Eleven the other night…

…and in this particular 7-Eleven, they have a clearance rack. Last time I was there, I noticed that they had some food on it, making me wonder who’s brave enough to buy food from the clearance rack of a 7-Eleven. However, this time, I noticed something else there: Massengil disposable douches.

Now, being the inquisitive sort that I am, this sent my mind racing in a million different directions. Why did the proprietors of this particular 7-Eleven decide to clear out their stock of disposable douches? Was this a permanent exit from the douche market, or just a temporary culling of the herd? Were douches something they carried for a long time, or did they just experiment with carrying them to see how well they moved, and find themselves sadly disappointed that more women weren’t coming to the counter with a chili dog, a Big Gulp and a douche? If this was the case, why weren’t more women in the Red Bank, NJ area purchasing their douches at 7-Eleven? Could it have been a pricing issue?

Of course, the other possibility here is that the douches were nearing some sort of expiration date. This made me wonder: what makes a good douche go bad? I haven’t read up on disposable douches in some time, so I forget what ingredients they have in them. Does anyone in the audience have any insight on this part of the discussion? I haven’t felt ambitious enough to look up the ingredients of a douche.

As I continued to think about douches gone bad, more questions naturally arose. Did it get peer pressured by its friends to try smoking cigarettes? Did it have problems at home? Maybe it was just born under a bad sign. Do they send douches to a special facility if they get in trouble after they go bad, or do they end up in the G.P.? If they do end up in the G.P., how hard must prison be for a douche?

After all these questions, it seemed like my thought processes were spiralling dangerously out of control. I couldn’t stop worrying about the douches! I had to pause for a second and catch my breath. Then, thankfully, I remembered that “bad” in situations where expiration dates are involved really just means “old”. My anxiety turned to more of a feeling of stoic sadness, thinking of all the douches who were no longer in their prime. This made me wonder one more thing before I left the vicinity of the store: if you’re a douche and you’re not able to perform at the level you were when you were younger, how do you decide when it’s time to hang up the cleats?

(Shut up, peanut gallery.)”

Raisin Poisoning

The best thing I ever saw on World of Warcraft’s Trade chat was a user complaining about how the bowl of raisin bran they had just eaten had too many raisins in it, and how they now had raisin poisoning.

It was a good, long time ago, but I still think about this rather often. Just one of those things that stuck with me.

Lycia’s “Ionia” Remastered

This is a new remaster of the first Lycia album, “Ionia”, that Martin Bowes from Attrition did for them. I would have to go back and compare it to my CD before I could be really sure of any sonic differences, but what I can tell you so far is this:

1. It sounds very good to my ears.

2. It sounds especially good to my ears for being an album recorded on a home analog 4 track recorder in 1991.

3. It’s a really great record that I haven’t listened to all the way through in entirely too long. If you’re familiar, but it’s been a while for you, take it for a spin again. If you’ve never heard it before, but you like dark sounding music, give it a listen. In either case, if you enjoy it, kick Lycia some dough, so they can keep at what they do (they’re still making music), and so Mike and Tara can keep their youngster in action figures.

Celebration’s “Wounded Healer” is out today

As some of you know, Celebration are one of my favorite bands. They’ve got a new one out today, which I am listening to right now, and which you should listen to, as well.

(If you can’t see the Spotify embed above, or don’t use Spotify for whatever reason, it’s on all the major streaming services and LPs and CDs are also available today from their label, Bella Union, if that’s your thing. It’s probably (hopefully) in all good record stores, as well, if you can’t wait for shipping, but want the hard copy.)

It’s definitely them. I’m very happy.

They’ve also got shows coming up this month in Brooklyn and their hometown of Baltimore, along with Out Of The Woods Festival in Wiesen, Austria and a London date in July. I highly recommend seeing them, and I really hope they come to my neck of the woods soon, since I won’t be able to do New York this time out.

Full disclosure, because I’m sure this sounds like an ad: I’m not being paid by the band, I have never been on the payroll, and I’ve only really met them in passing a time or two, just caught a show in 2006 and fell in love.

Music From A Road Trip

I took a relatively long drive this week, and loaded my device up with relatively new records to listen to beforehand. Here’s what I listened to, and how I felt about it:


Endless Boogie
Vibe Killer

I listened to this first, and periodically through my listening of it, I would laugh and say “Endless fuckin’ Boogie, baby!”. That probably tells you all how I felt about the record, but if not, it means that I enjoyed it.

Jane Weaver
Modern Kosmology

I’d heard something of Jane’s that I liked on Spotify Discover Weekly, and this record has been reviewing pretty well, so I gave it a shot. I didn’t quite connect with it, though it’s along the lines of other things I enjoy (think a more psychedelic music-oriented Goldfrapp, sorta). I don’t always latch onto records on the first listen, so perhaps it’ll gel with me later.

Aimee Mann
Mental Illness

I like Aimee, but this felt, I dunno, a little too on the nose for me or something. It may sound odd, but sometimes when I put on a record and it’s exactly what I expect it to be, I tune out, and I think that’s what happened here. Couldn’t get through it, moved on. May feel differently about it later, might just not have been the right record for the right time.



My 4th time through this. It is safe to say that I like Slowdive better this time around.

The Black Angels
Death Song

I’d heard them once, a few years ago, liked them, but never gotten back to them until now. I quite like this. The first track on the album, “Currency”, was my favorite, but the whole record was good. Loud, dark, a little weird. Here’s “Currency”.

Nelly Furtado
The Ride

This was my second time through this, and it held my interest both times, though I may have enjoyed it a little better the first time. The record’s inventively arranged and produced, I will say that about it. Lots of “Wow, I was not expecting that to happen”, which doesn’t happen a ton for me in relatively mainstream pop, so points to Nelly and her collaborators for managing to surprise me. I do run hot and cold on Nelly Furtado in general, but when I like something of hers (“Say It Right” from “Loose” was one of those songs), it sticks with me. On this record, the one that’s jumped out at me so far is “Live”…

…and then I reached my destination.